The Break Up: Becoming Jazzy
In my previous post “The Break Up: I wasn’t okay”, I shared a few things I learnt along the way of my journey to being okay, in the hope it will help someone else either going through or about to go through something similar. Here's the second post in that series. Today I’ll talk about some of the decisions I made that helped me heal.
#1. He's Still God's Son
The mind can imagine the weirdest portrayals (Picture taken at Art16 London)
When you hurt it's very easy to paint the source of hurt as a villain or the Devil himself or maybe even that creepy picture I took at Art16 London. Truth be told, I blamed him for a lot of things and then one day I suddenly had a very strong thought, "He's still God's son and God loves him just as much as he loves you." That single thought exploded in my mind as I realised it was important to remember that though I felt he'd wronged me, my Heavenly Father still loved him dearly; therefore, how I talked about him and portrayed him mattered. I wasn't going to hide what happened or attempt to sugar coat it but it was important to stick to facts in telling my story and speak of him and to him with kindness.
#2. I Am Loved and Accepted
I find it utterly amazing that as confident as I thought I was in who I am, I found myself needing to remind myself that I am loved, even in the face of rejection. Whether it be rejection from not getting a job, not getting into a degree or certificate program, not getting approved for that loan, or ending a relationship, rejection can erode your sense of acceptance and love if you let it.
I’m a huge fan of meditation. I practice Biblical meditation. Instead of emptying my thoughts and leaving a vacuum to be occupied by what may, it calls for replacing current negative thoughts with powerful life-giving thoughts. So, I meditated on some Scripture and two decisions I have made a while before, what I call my acceptance and approval decisions. I also had to remind myself that God’s love for me knows no end. Here are some examples that helped to reframe my thought life around me being loved and accepted.
I am loved…
““The Lord your God is with you. He is like a powerful soldier. He will save you. He will show how much he loves you and how happy he is with you. He will laugh and be happy about you, like people at a party.””
I am wanted and accepted…
““I have made the decisions that I fully accept myself and others imperfections, unreliability, limited responsibility and inability to take charge, I have made the decision that I am wonderful, worthy, wanted, whole, sufficient in Go’d sufficiency, loved, and pure.””
I am approved…
“I have made the decision that I need and seek only Father God’s approval to feel good about myself. I feel empowered, secure and loved because my worth, value, and self esteem are in God only and not in the approval or acceptance of people, nor my intelligence, abilities, accomplishments, resources, spiritual maturity, or marital status.”
#3. Take Elsa’s Advice: Let it Go!
Now this was a big one for me. Sometimes, you don’t realise how tightly bound you are to something until you try to remove it. Picture ripping a bandaid off dry skin. It always hurts! I knew that if I didn’t let go all my ideas of how things should have played out, what I didn’t do, what he didn’t do, what could have happened, what I’d lost, what I’d invested, what I’d dreamed, what I’d planned, what I’d hoped for, what I’d longed for….it would continue to gnaw at my heart and prevent me from fully living. See I wasn’t sure what would happen but I knew that if I let it go, and entrust my heart to God, He’d take care of me. How was I so sure? I watched the plants on my window sill. No, really! I did!
Okay, so I bought this Jasmine plant from my local farmers market. It had healthy green leaves and stood so majestically in its pot. It was the queen of my window sill. Well, one day it became infested with mealy bugs. Have you ever seen those things? Oh my! They are the nastiest things ever but not just because of what they look like. It’s what they do. They sit on the plant and bury themselves in crevices as they suck the sap and very life out of the plant. Evil, right? Yeah, much the same way negative emotions, regret and unfulfilled promises and dreams can hide in the corners of our heart of suck the very life and fun out of us.
Well, I was having none of it! My Jazzy (yes, I named it) would not be killed from the inside out! I sprayed some stuff on it to kill the bugs and then carefully cleaned it and washed it, repeatedly. The process of spraying and cleaning is akin to the process of discharging emotions I described in my previous post and the washing is akin to the Biblical meditation I described in decision #2 (above).
““In conclusion, be strong in the Lord [be empowered through your union with Him]; draw your strength from Him [that strength which His boundless might provides].”
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Great, right! Well, not quite. Even though Jazzy was now rid of the life suckers, it sat there on my window sill drooping, looking like its world was coming to an end. The life suckers were gone but even the removal process had drained Jazzy and took a toll on it. Oh, but Jazzy is a fighter (cos it’s my plant). In the morning, the Sun came out from behind the trees and shined brightly through my living room windows for a few days in a row. That once drooping plant suddenly woke up and stood up tall again. It seemed to have strength it didn't before. It had drawn strength from the intensity of the Sun's rays. What a picture! I realised then that as we allow the Son to shine on our lives, we can draw strength from the intensity of his love and power and stand tall as his brightness penetrates our being.
I don’t know what the future holds but I know It will be amazing! I stand tall as I bask in the the power and love of God and live my best life!
I pray you find the courage to do so as well!
““Let your eyes look right on [with fixed purpose], and let your gaze be straight before you.””
